


A Taste of Your Own Medicine

by newtnoot



Category: Naruto
Genre: (only for a short bit), (yamato's mentioned), Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, More characters to be added, Original Series/Part 1, Slow Burn (kinda), Some OCS (but they're not that plot significant), Tsutome is Ebisu’s mom btw, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-01-23 18:47:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12513980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newtnoot/pseuds/newtnoot
Summary: Gai, having no experience with dating, romance, or anything of the like, enlists Genma's help in trying to win over his long life crush, Kakashi. Kakashi, on the other hand, has no interest in Gai. But then a misunderstanding leaves him jealous and angry, causing him to realize just how he feels about Gai and their friendship. Meanwhile, rumors spread and the whole of Konohagakure is left wondering just what in the world is going on between Gai, Genma, and Kakashi.





	1. Konoha's Number One Matchmaker!

     There was one thing that truly mattered to Genma in life, as cliched and as cheesy it sounded. To him, there was nothing better than love, and a loving relationship meant everything to him. Despite him not being in a relationship at the moment, he sought to help others with their own, hooking up various shinobi across Konohagakure. He had affectionately received the nickname, “Konoha’s Number One Matchmaker”,  a title he was proud to boast at times. While most people hadn’t expected him to be such a romantic, the man was always closed off and spent way too much time on his lonesome, those same people often came to him for his assistance. In all of his time helping people, however, he never expected Gai to come to him for help.

     Gai’s and his  relationship was extremely close and strong, grown from respect for fellow shinobi during their most challenging of years, and through their most traumatic of times. When he first met him, he hadn’t thought much of him. A scrawny looking boy who constantly trained, came to practice with scratches and bruises, fingers and hands covered in calluses, but his eyes had a fire to them. The same fire he saw in his father, Dai. His classmates, however, didn’t appreciate Gai or Dai at all. The sneers, the jaunts, the harmful pranks on Gai, the way they talked about Dai being still a Genin at _his_ age, all things that made Genma honestly sick at times to hear. It was during this time that Genma had noticed Gai’s longing stares and incessant chatter, all fixated on Kakashi Hatake, no less. At first Genma chalked it up to Gai wanting to fight him, as he did often call him his rival. But the longer he looked, the longer he thought about it, there was no denying it.

 

     Gai was in _love_ with Kakashi.  

 

     And it pissed Genma off.

 

     Not that Genma had the same feelings for Gai as Gai did for Kakashi. No, no this was not the case. He was angry at Kakashi.

 

     Kakashi who always brushed Gai off, who thought of him less, refusing to become friends with him, and outright laughing at Gai when he admitted his feelings to him.

 

     It pissed Genma off that someone could be so heartless to his best friend.

 

     And it never got any better over the years, just worse.

 

     From when Kakashi joined the Anbu, life became miserable for Gai. Genma had noticed not only a change in Kakashi, but a change in Gai as well. Kakashi had become more depressed, from what he could tell, uncaring of what happened to him, letting his life drain away as he slowly became nothing but a killer without remorse or emotion. The usual chipper and friendly Gai turned into a man who was no longer excited, no longer smiling earnestly. Kakashi had no time for Gai, and he had taken that hard. At times Genma would find Gai alone, sighing and crying quietly. He’d always comfort him, telling him that the other friends in their group wanted to go out, have a drink. ‘Come on, Gai! We’re gonna eat out tonight, come with us!’. But he’d always smile sadly, shake his head, and say he was busy. Which Genma damn well knew he wasn’t.  That had pissed him off as well, but not the same anger he felt towards Kakashi.

     It was a relief, for many, when Sarutobi finally pulled Kakashi from the Anbu. Sure, Kakashi wasn’t pleased by that (hell he stayed in his apartment for a whole two weeks after he was let go, came out looking skinnier and paler than before), but the friends he had left, what very little of them he had, were more than happy to welcome him back. Genma couldn’t even _begin_ to explain Gai’s entire mood shift the day he found out.

     The Jonin decided to hold a little celebration one weekend, for those who had been confirmed as teachers for the new graduates of the academy. The graduates wouldn’t leave in a couple of weeks, three months at tops, but it never hurt to celebrate such wonderful news. Kakashi, to everyone’s surprise, actually showed up. The party was being held at a sushi bar, where drinks and good food were surely to be found. By the time Kakashi arrived, the party was already two hours in, and the crowd had gone mostly silent when he walked in. He awkwardly gave a wave and a strained ‘hello’, and was soon met with Gai jumping from his booth and nearly tackling him over. Genma watched over the rim of his glass, ready to move if Kakashi tried to pull any nonsense with Gai. But to his shock, Kakashi just… stared at Gai. There was no mistaking it… Kakashi Hatake was ogling Gai. And that’s when Genma remembered, Kakashi hadn’t really seen Gai as an adult. The last time he probably saw him was when Gai was fifteen. Standing at six feet, easily passing Kakashi in height, Gai’s body was radically different from when he was a teenager. That scrawny, almost awkwardly lanky body had given way to broad shoulders, thick muscles, and a rather handsome face, even if he was unconventionally attractive in a way.

 

     Genma didn’t blame Kakashi for staring, almost everyone did.

 

     That only angered Genma even more, when he realized that Kakashi was only now interested in Gai because he had gotten muscular. He heard rumors and stories about Kakashi sleeping with complete strangers, sometimes men who passed through Konoha or even, if the rumors were to be believed, male prostitutes. Genma knew Gai wouldn’t be able to handle Kakashi just using him for sex, but there really wasn’t anything he could do about it. The best thing he could do was to watch over his friend, and pray Kakashi didn’t break his heart.

 

     He was more than happy when Gai came to him for help, realizing that maybe, he could give Gai some ammunition that would make Kakashi feel guilt over not picking Gai earlier in life.

 

     The two arranged for a meeting near the Konoha Memorial site, a place Genma didn’t think anyone would bother them at.  But unbeknownst to them, Kakashi was already there.

 

     Genma had arrived first, with Gai shortly arriving after him. He gave him a warm smile, noting that Gai was obviously nervous about this. They sat themselves down on the grass, Genma for once removing the senbon from his lips.

 

     “So, Gai.” He drawled, looking over at him. “What exactly do you want my help with?”

 

     “E-Everything!”

 

     “Uh… You’re gonna have to be more specific there…”

 

     “W-Well…” Gai sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “Genma, I’m a… well… let’s just say I haven’t ever… been _intimate_ with someone.”

 

     “That’s no issue. But if you want help with sex-”

 

     “No, not just… sex.” Gai coughed nervously and his face turned bright red. “I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

 

     “Oh.” Well… this was certainly a predicament.

 

     Not that Genma was surprised, Gai wasn’t exactly… popular with anyone. He knew he had _some_ admirers now that his physique had changed, but Gai never had any interest for anyone other than Kakashi.

 

     “Okay, I think… we might have to have more than one meetup.”

 

     “Do you… Do you think this will help me with Kakashi?”

 

     “Definitely. Without a doubt.” Genma gave him another smile, reaching over to rub his shoulder comfortingly.  “Now, where do you wanna start?”

 

     “Hmm… “ Gai bit his lip, furrowing his brows. “H-How about kissing?”

 

     “Alright, can do.”

  
  


     Kakashi took his time walking to the memorial, a bouquet of flowers limply held in his hand as he read from an _Icha Icha_  book in the other. It was a nice day out, warm but not hot enough to be unpleasant, a cool breeze blowing every now and again. A cloudless sky with the sun directly in the center. At times like these he liked to walk to the memorial, honoring the dead was important to him, what better day to do so than on a beautiful one.

     As he neared the site, he was shocked to find Genma and Gai sitting near it. He closed his book, slipped it into his pocket, and jumped to a tree branch, looking down at them. His interest was definitely piqued at this point. He didn’t know why the either of them would be here, let alone be together here. He decided he’d watch for a bit and maybe wait for them to walk off. He preferred to be alone at the memorial. That and he didn’t feel like talking to either of them. However, Kakashi went from slightly curious, to shocked and livid as he watched what happened next.

 

     Genma pulled himself closer to Gai, reaching his hand up to cup his face.

 

     “You okay with this? I swear it’s nothing romantic or sexual, I just want to see how good at kissing you are before teaching you anything.”

 

     “Yes.”

 

     “Alright, tell me to stop if you’re uncomfortable.”  

 

     Genma brushed his lips lightly against Gai’s, his fingers threading through his inky locks.

  
  
     “When you kiss him,” He spoke softly, breath hot on Gai’s skin, the other man squirming slightly. “Make it intimate, sensual. Make him regret the times he’s ignored you,” Genma pulled Gai closer, sitting himself in his lap and placing his hands on his chest and shoulder, moving one hand slowly up to his cheek, “Make him realize that he’s wanted you all this time, and that he’s a moron for not realizing sooner.”  
  
     

     Genma kissed him, but to his surprise Gai kissed back intensely, passionately even. He pushed Genma onto the ground, prying his lips open and slipping his tongue in his mouth. Genma made a high pitched noise, a cry for Gai to stop. This got too intense, too fast.

  
     But Kakashi didn’t hear it as a call for help. His fingers dug into the bark of the tree he was squatting on, nails chipping as he grit his teeth. The flowers in his other hand crumpled and their stems snapped under his fingers. He felt his heart clench, much to his annoyance. Why did he care if Genma and Gai were… kissing? If they were together?  Gai was nothing but an acquaintance to him, and Genma? Less than that. So why did he feel absolutely awful as Gai pinned Genma down? Was it because they were so close to the memorial? Yes, maybe it was that…

 

     Genma breathed in deeply when Gai pulled back abruptly. He offered his friend a sorry smile, rubbing the back of his head.

 

     “Was that… too much?”

 

     “Uh, “ Genma felt heat on his cheeks, and he was embarrassed that he had gotten somewhat hard. “T-Too much tongue. Cut it back a bit next time. But, that wasn’t half bad for someone’s first kiss.”

 

     “I kinda wished Kakashi was my first kiss… Not t-that you were bad or anything!”

 

     “No, Gai, I get you. Don’t worry he will be.” Genma sat up. “He’ll be the first kiss you have with someone you love, and that’s what matters. So, uh. Anything else you want to know? Besides kissing, we can practice that all day honestly.”

 

     Gai blushed.

 

     “Well, how about sex-”

 

     “Okay, slow down there buddy… I don’t… think I can help you with that just yet. No offense, I just don’t wanna fuck you.”

 

     “O-Oh, no, no! I meant as in… giving me some advice on it, y’know?” Gai sputtered. Genma blinked.

 

     “Oh.” Genma coughed. “I don’t know Kakashi that well. It’d be hard to to tell you what he’s into and try to teach you that kinda stuff. But he’d seem like he’d be a pillow princess, at least to me.”

 

     “Huh?”

 

     “A uh… really needy bottom?”

 

     “What’s a bottom?” Genma paused and looked at Gai in pity.

 

     “Oh hon… This is gonna take longer than I thought.”

  
  


**. . .**

  


 

     That night Genma spent most of his time looking back on old memories. He flipped through an old notebook filled with chicken scratch, doodles, and most importantly; photos. His fingers lingered on the picture of him with Gai and Dai, him throwing up a peace sign with a rather bored look on his face, as Gai and Dai hugged him. He smiled to himself, picking up the next photo. He, Ebisu, and Gai, on their first day as Genin, with Choza behind them, all smiling for the camera.

     There were days he found himself unable to sleep, faint memories of Dai sacrificing himself for him and his friends, a haunting sight that hasn’t left him since, attacking his dreams and turning them into nightmares. For the most part, those awful dreams had gone away. And his mind was now more focused on the future, instead of the past.

     He thought of Gai, how strong he’s been throughout the years. Never failing, always standing proudly against those who would mock or belittle him. After Dai’s death, they had become closer. At this point Genma couldn’t bare the thought of leaving Gai on his own, or leaving his side. He was his friend, his comrade.

 

     Genma sighed and placed the photo down, slipping it back into the notebook. He peered out of his window, watching as the last rays of the sun dipped down behind the buildings and houses of Konohagakure, a few, twinkling lights peppering the blackness of the night sky. He stretched, groaning as he stood, rolling his neck with a few audible pops. He placed the notebook back in a drawer in his desk, lingering his gaze on it for a few moments before shutting the drawer close. SIghing, he made his way to his bed, flopping down on the futon lazily. He rolled over, staring up at the ceiling.

 

     He’d do anything to help Gai. Be it with his love life, missions, even just a grocery trip if he needed him.  

 

     He wanted Gai to have a happy life, he wanted Gai to get with Kakashi, even if he hated that damned man with all of his heart, he’d do it for Gai’s sake.

 

     Genma just hoped he wouldn’t come to regret this.

  
  


**. . .**

 

 

 

     The morning was particular hot, with barely any dew clinging to grass blades and brush that dotted the few untouched areas of Konoha. Birds sluggishly began their calls, unenthusiastically greeting the hot morning sun as it slowly started its climb across the bright, cloudless blue sky.

      Kakashi had woken up to a thin sheen of sweat coating his skin, another annoyance as his alarm clock blared in his ears. He was just as sluggish as the birds outside of his window, taking his sweet time despite having a meeting with the Hokage in a few minutes. Rubbing his face, he sighed. Today was going to be another long, tiresome day.

  


     After a cooling shower and a light jog, he managed to make his way to Sarutobi’s office, rapping on the door with his knuckles. He was late. Maybe thirty, forty minutes late, but at least he had shown up. When Sarutobi answered his knocking with a short gruff, he pushed open the door, shoulders sagging as he strolled forward, hands in his pockets. Sarutobi flipped through some papers, ordering them as he gently tapped their edges onto the table. He placed the stack to the side, folding his hands and giving Kakashi a hard stare.

 

     “You’re late.”

 

     “I’m always late.” Kakashi said, shrugging. Sarutobi sighed.

 

     “You know why you’re here?”

 

     “No, actually.”  

 

     “You’re here to talk to me about officially leaving the Anbu. I’m glad you’ve finally changed your mind, but I need to know, for sure, if you want to leave. I won’t pressure you into leaving, it’s a big decision. But,  I also want to remind you that you will start teaching the next generation of shinobi, and I want your focus to be on them entirely.” His stare was as hard as ever, boring into Kakashi’s. Kakashi breathed in roughly, his jaw clenching.

      He’d already come to terms with leaving, hell he went through a depressive episode right after he buckled to Sarutobi’s demands to leave.  He was lying if he said he didn’t have a tiny bit of him that begged to go back. But something had changed. In the past week he’d caught Genma and Gai together, multiple times. What started as a minor annoyance to him had become an outright offense. He didn’t know why it had bothered him still, but he had an idea.

     Maybe he missed Gai’s nonstop attention, his constant duels and interruptions. After all, Gai was perhaps his only friend, if he even had any left.  He didn’t blame anyone for leaving him alone, he was really inconsiderate and incredibly  disrespectful to everyone. But the more he thought of it, he wasn’t even that nice to Gai as well. He barely talked back to him, and when he did, he mercilessly mocked him and cursed at him. But Gai never let up.

 

     Until a week ago.

 

     He didn’t know what happened. Why Genma and Gai were suddenly now...dating? He tried listening to gossip around him.

 

_Did you hear? Genma-chan and Gai-san are dating! Genma’s no longer single, what a shame! I wish Genma had chosen me instead of that...beast._

 

     None of it really helped explain how they ended up together.

 

     Not that he cared or anything.

 

     He sighed and nodded his head.

 

     “Yeah, I’m leaving for good.” He ought to go apologize to Gai, he thought. He had decades worth of apology to give him, if Gai would accept it. And it wouldn’t hurt to try and become good friends with him anyways.

 

     Sarutobi seemed extremely relieved to hear Kakashi’s answer. He gave the younger man a small smile.

 

     “Good. Now run off, I’ve got more paperwork to get through.”

 

     “No missions for me?”

 

     “None that I can see. If I have any, I’ll get to you somehow.”

 

     “Alright. See you later, Lord Hokage.”

  
  


**. . .**

  
  


     Kakashi had gone to the main market square, _Icha Icha_ in his hand. As usual, his nose was in his book, uncaring and unattentive to the rest of the world. But a rather loud, and unmistakable laugh brought him out of his raunchy readings. He saw Gai jogging down the street, a large smile plastered on his face. Without thinking, Kakashi stood from his seat on a bench and approached him. He, as well as Gai, was surprised at his own actions.

 

     “Gai?”

 

     “Rival? This is a surprise!” Gai paused his jogging, putting his hands on his hips. “What can I do for you!?”

 

     “Uh…” He hadn’t really thought this out. “I was wondering, if you wanted, later today, possibly tonight, if you’d like to go somewhere and talk? I’ve got some things I wanna say to you.” He saw Gai wince.

 

     “Ah! Kakashi as much as I’d love to, I’ve got something tonight!”

 

     Did… Did Gai just turn him _down_?

 

     “W-What?”

 

     “Yep! Genma and I are hanging out. If you want we can do it tomorrow-”

 

     “No, no it’s… fine. Have fun tonight.”

 

     “I will! Cya later, Rival!” With that, Gai continued on his way, his lips still pulled in a smile. To Kakashi, that smile mocked him. For some reason Gai’s rejection deeply hurt him, and cut at his heart. He hated this feeling. He hated not knowing why he was so angry at Genma.

 

     Angrily huffing, he shoved his book into his pocket and walked off, nearly pushing people aside. He grit his teeth. He wouldn’t forget this.

  
  


**. . .**

  
  


     Genma rubbed Gai’s back comfortingly as he cried, sobbing into his shoulder. He grimaced, knowing he’d probably have to wash his flak jacket after this. Gai continued to cry, his whole body shaking. He pulled back, snot dripping from his nostril and streams of tears pouring from his eyes.

 

     “I-I can’t believe I turned him down! What if it was a date-”

 

     “It wasn’t. And you did good, Gai!” Genma smiled, clasping Gai’s shoulder. “This is gonna work in the end, trust me.”

 

     “But, I just denied him-”

 

     “Exactly. Play hard to get!”

 

     “My heart hurts…”

 

     “Oh, Gai…” He sighed, folding his arms over his chest. “Trust me on this, it’s going to work. You still want my help? You need to listen to me. Think of it like… training! Yeah! It’s like training!”

 

     “T-Training?” That got Gai to stop crying.

 

     “When training, you need to go through a lot of grueling exercises, right? Think of rejecting Kakashi like that. It’s a painful exercise. But, in the end, you’ll come out stronger, and you’ll get the reward. Instead of a stronger body, you’ll get Kakashi.”

 

     “That…” Gai sniffed, rubbing his nose. “Makes total sense! Genma! You’re so smart!”

 

     “I was just stating the obvious…”

 

     “I promise!”

 

     “Huh?” Genma tilted his head.

 

     “I promise I’ll get Kakashi to date me! No matter what it takes, I’ll date him!” Gai thrust his fist into the air, no longer depressed and sporting a huge grin on his face. “Genma, I promise this to you. I can only hope I don’t let you down!”

 

     “You won’t, Gai. I know you won’t.” Genma gave him a sad smile.

 

     Somehow, he sort of hoped Gai would.

 

     He didn’t fully trust Kakashi to give Gai the happiness he earned.

 

     But if Kakashi dared to hurt Gai or mess with his emotions? Genma wouldn’t hesitate to fight him. That was his promise to Gai, even if he didn’t voice it.


	2. Relationships for Dummies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma and Gai continue with their 'training'. Ebisu sees something that he shouldn't have, and confronts Genma. Kakashi struggles with his feelings for Gai and keeps denying what he really feels for his longtime rival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a few days late! Work has been super busy but I promise to get the next chapter out soon!

     “Okay, Kakashi has agreed to go on a date with you. Where do you take him?”

 

     “Ah! Um… T-The curry place down the street?”

 

     “Gai,” Genma sighed loudly through his nose, folding his arms over his chest. “He _hates_ curry, remember? Think of a place where both of you can find something to eat. Don’t focus on just yourself for the date.”

 

     “Right! Sorry!”

 

    Genma hadn’t thought this would be that difficult. After all, it’s just dating.

 

    He was incredibly wrong.

 

    Gai had turned out to be more trouble than he was worth, in Genma’s honest opinion. What little he knew of romance and dating came from the dramas he read up on magazines and saw advertisements for. Plus, add in the fact that his father, Dai, was pretty much a bachelor for most of Gai’s life and never showed his son how to pick up women, or men, Gai was a lost cause at this point.

     How was he supposed to shock Kakashi with these… mediocre romantic skills?

     The one good thing to come out of this was that Genma was absolutely sure Gai could handle the emotional aspect of dating and relationships. Gai was a loving, selfless man. Yet this also scared Genma a bit. Gai was selfless. Kakashi was selfish. Who’s to say Kakashi wouldn’t just use Gai for sex and dump him the moment Gai got too unbearable or annoying, or when Gai confesses his love for him during or after sex. Gai wasn’t a man who took intimacy lightly, he didn’t sleep around, unlike Kakashi who managed to spend most of his nights in the company of strangers. Genma had heard the rumors, everyone did, it wasn’t exactly a secret. Women who pined for him denied it, still clinging to the baseless and absurd fantasy of Kakashi one day sweeping them off their feet and exposing his true, gentle, caring heart for them and only them. Showing that he loved, but only for them, and that they had melted his frozen spirit and warmed him with their love. Genma pitied those women. Then you had some men who thought Kakashi would dare to even spare them a second glance, suggestively bending over or running a hand up his thigh, sending him a provocative look with a wink or two. Kakashi would often simply stand up and leave. Any man who was foolish enough to follow him quickly found himself on the ground with a splitting headache and blood pouring from his nose.

 

     Or so the rumors say.

 

     Rumors seemed to be the only way Genma would learn anything about Kakashi. Overhearing some young kunoichi chittering and squeaking while their sensei were away, he had listened as they nervously giggled and whispered in hushed, hurried voices about Kakashi-sensei ogling a muscular man earlier that day. One kunoichi claimed to have seen him using his mouth to pleasure her sensei in a back alley, only for her sensei to return and glare at her. A genin swore he saw Kakashi kissing some older man by the edge of the forest, another lie in the rumor mill. From what Genma gathered, Kakashi was into larger, physically imposing men of muscular stature. While Gai was not imposing, he certainly was larger than Kakashi, with broad shoulders and thick arms and thighs.

     But, again, the problem wasn’t with Gai’s appearance, it was with Gai’s experience. And Genma still had no idea how to help him in that regard.

 

     “Genma, it’s getting pretty late. I think I’m going to go home and eat dinner-”

 

     Wait…

 

     Yes!

 

     That was it!

 

     “Gai!” Genma grabbed his forearm as Gai started to walk away, “Wait!”

 

     “Yes?”

 

     “Let’s get dinner together.” Gai’s eyes widened at this, and Genma could see a slight blush on his cheeks. While the two of them had eaten lunch together and walked with one another, they hadn’t sat down to have a fake dinner date yet. This would be perfect. Genma would teach him what to do and say, how to act, etc. And there wouldn’t be any pressure because it’d just be the two of them. He offered Gai a warm, friendly smile. He rubbed the back of his neck, coughing out his answer.

 

     “A-Alright.”

 

  
**. . .**

 

  
     Genma had chosen a somewhat popular barbeque place, renown for its delicious food and even more satisfying drinks. During the day, genin and academy students usually picked this restaurant as a place to study or simply enjoy company of friends or teammates. In the evenings, mostly chunin and some non-shinobi citizens gathered to discuss missions or daily gossip around the village. Nighttime was when jonin came around, wanting to relax after a long mission or stressful day. In fact, this was the very place where the jonin had celebrated their new positions as sensei, and when Genma first realized Kakashi was ogling Gai.

 

     “So,” Genma said as he slid into the booth, thanking the waitress as she handed them menus. “You just have to act normal, okay? Just pretend I’m Kakashi.”

 

     “But you look nothing like him.”

 

     “I can’t exactly use a transformation jutsu, Gai. Just use your imagination or something.”

 

     “Ah! Okay.” Gai nodded, looking down at his own menu.

 

 

     Ordering themselves a heaping bowl of beef, the rest of their night was mostly uneventful. Genma was proud to see that his efforts were working out, as Gai had been the perfect partner during their date. He told jokes, asked Genma about his day, offered him some of his drink, and most importantly, kept eye contact and didn’t get flustered and turn his head away.

 

     Gai was walking Genma back to his apartment, talking about how excited he was to meet his new students in just a couple of weeks. Genma smiled and listened to him ramble, excited for him as well. He hoped his students weren’t too bad or caused trouble for him, Gai could handle it of course, but he still prayed they were an easy bunch to teach. He heard from Gai that one of them was a Hyuga, and that had piqued his interest. Just as they rounded the corner, Genma suddenly stopped in his tracks and pulled Gai back.

 

    Kakashi was strolling down the street, a new Icha Icha book in his hand, and the other lazily hanging in his pocket.

 

     And in that moment, Genma had possibly one of the worst thoughts he could have ever thought of. Yet he went through with it.

 

     Pulling Gai with him to the wall, he slammed his back against it, letting out a convincing moan and hooking his leg over Gai’s hip. He gripped Gai’s zentai suit, digging his fingers into his back and throwing his head to the side as he pushed onto the back of Gai’s neck and felt Gai’s breath and lips on the area where his shoulder and neck met. Gai froze, unable to do anything as Genma rubbed up against him. Genma looked over Gai’s shoulder and watched as Kakashi dropped his book. He pulled his head up just enough so Kakashi could see his whole face, and with a devilish smirk he mouthed, he’s mine.

 

     Kakashi angrily swiped up his book from the ground and disappeared, the streetlight above where he stood creaking and swaying.

 

     Genma immediately pulled away from Gai, blushing slightly as he felt Gai’s excitement against his stomach. Gai stepped back a bit, taking off his flak jacket and refusing to meet Genma’s gaze as he pressed it against himself, attempting to mask his rather noticeable erection. Genma felt shame wash over him, noting that Gai looked like he was on the brink of tears.

 

     “Gai, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you like that. I just wanted to try something out.”

“I t-thought you said you only l-liked me as a friend…”

 

     “What? No, I do. You’re my best friend. Sorry, Kakashi was there and… I thought if we made him jealous he’d try to ‘take’ you from me. I know he’s that kinda person, but you probably didn’t know. I should’ve talked to you before I did something like that I’m… so so sorry.”

 

     Gai was crying now.

 

     “I-It’s okay! I should apologize! My… must have made you uncomfortable but you were warm and moaning and and... “

 

     “No, I get it! You don’t have to apologize!” Genma said, walking forward and smiling at him.

 

     “Y-You’re sure?”

 

     “Yes, absolutely! If you want I’ll walk home by myself.”

 

     “No, I’ll walk you back.” Gai sniffed, wiping at his eyes. “I cant let my friend go back home by himself. Just, let’s pretend this…” He gestured to the flak jacket at his waist. “This isn’t here.”

 

     “Of course! I wasn’t even going to mention it!” Genma laughed softly, which in turn caused Gai to laugh as well.

 

 

  
     Unbeknownst to them, watching from the corner of the street, Ebisu sniffled and sobbed quietly as he looked on at Genma walking away, his nails chipping as his fingers dug into the wood of the fence he hid behind.

 

  
**. . .**

  
     Kakashi slammed the door close to his apartment, starling a stray cat that had been lounging on his windowsill. It hissed and yowled at him, its hackles raising, only to run off when Kakashi sent it a rather menacing glare.

 

     He slumped onto his sofa, huffing as he felt it groan underneath his weight.

 

     He wasn’t angry, he told himself, only frustrated.

 

     Genma’s words haunted him.

 

_He’s mine._

 

     Who cared if Gai was his now? From what Kakashi heard Genma was a known womanizer and one night stand asshole who went around sleeping with men and women without caring. Maybe he felt frustrated that Gai fell for Genma’s sweet lies and flirty promises?

 

     But then again, who cared what Gai did anyways?

 

     Kakashi grunted in annoyance and pushed himself off of the sofa and walked to his window, watching as the clouds above in the inky sky parted, letting silver light shine upon Konoha. His hands balled into fists.

 

     Perhaps this frustration was for something else.

 

     Sighing, he dragged his hand down his face, This had to be the Anbu stuff, it had to be. He had already gone through one depressive episode when he left, maybe finally realizing that he was now out of the Anbu officially had festered in the back of his mind until he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

     Yeah that had to be it.

 

     Right?

 

     He briefly considered heading to a bar to get drunk, to drink his worries away and relax. But the chances of running into someone else were pretty high, and right now he had no wishes to even speak to anyone.

 

     Instead he laid back down on his couch, covering his eyes with his forearm. Something deep within him churned and twisted awfully, his lips twitching in a slight grimace as he felt his heart begin to feel… strange. As much as he tried he couldn’t push the image of Gai and Genma out of his mind. Then something else began to stir within him. He grunted, annoyed as his mind started to replace Genma with his own face, his own body. His leg hooked over Gai’s hip, pressing himself against the larger man’s body, feeling his-

     No, wait! What was he doing?!

     He couldn’t think of Gai like… this. But, as he let those thoughts nestle, he came to a conclusion. Maybe all this stress was getting to him. When was the last time he had sex with someone? When was the last time he pleasured himself? All this frustration, it must’ve been that. But why Gai? Why imagine Gai? Was he really that desperate for some kind of release that he’d resorted to thinking about Gai that way?

     Without really thinking, his hand started to trail down his torso, cupping himself as he breathed out slowly through his nose. Could he actually do this? His hand began to rub his crotch, slowly and teasingly. He palmed his cock through his pants, groaning lowly.

 

     But, just as he felt himself beginning to get hard, he stopped himself.

 

     Try as he might, Genma’s smirk wouldn’t leave him.

 

     And just as quickly as he was starting to get aroused, his excitement died down.

 

     He turned over, folding his arms over his chest and curling his legs inwards. Kakashi let out a deep sigh. He could still see Genma’s mocking eyes, his smirk, his hands gripping Gai’s body and the sound of his moans slipping out of his mouth.

 

     Hate bubbled up deep inside of him, burning and clenching at his throat and heart.

 

     He just needed sleep, he told himself. He just need to sleep and forget all about this. Forget the hurt that clawed at his chest and throat when he saw Gai with Genma. He screwed his eyes shut, frowning as he let himself fall asleep on his couch. Things would be better tomorrow morning, he’d make sure of that.

 

  
**. . .**

 

  
     Ebisu nervously paced outside of Genma’s apartment complex, glancing up at his door every few moments. He chewed on his fingernails, ignoring the looks of people passing by him. A couple of kunoichi jonin passed him and snickered loudly to themselves, causing his face to flush rather vividly. He hated hanging outside without anyone with him, it was basically torture. But he had to know if what he saw Genma do the other night was real. If his eyes hadn’t deceived him.

     For as long as he could remember, Ebisu had crushed on Genma. Slowly infatuation became love, and for a few years now he’d been trying to muster up some courage to ask Genma out. Being teammates he figured it would’ve been easy to ask Genma. But every time he tried, he’d just panic, apologize, and run off.

     There were rumors of Ebisu being a pervert (which honestly were true he was rather perverted), and him being a self proclaimed otaku didn’t help those rumors either. He knew Genma must have heard those rumors, everyone has. He guessed the reason why he was so afraid of going up to Genma and spilling his heart was the inevitable rejection he’d face. He could prepare for that heartbreak for years and years, but nothing would stop it from stinging and slicing deep at him once he’d hear those words fall from Genma’s lips: why would i date you?

 

     And now Genma was with Gai? Ebisu had no chance.

 

     He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a door close. He glanced up to see Genma yawning and making his way down the stairs, rubbing at his face as he placed his signature senbon in his mouth. Ebisu opened his mouth to call for him, but stopped as Genma spotted him and sent him a warm smile.

 

     Ebisu hesitated.

 

      _No_ , he thought to himself, _I need to know._

 

     “Ebisu! What a pleasant surprise!”

 

     “G-Genma…” Ebisu swallowed thickly, biting his lip. “Good morning.”

 

     “Good morning to you too!” Genma raised his hand to his brow and then waved it in goodbye, turning towards the street that lead to the Hokage’s office. Ebisu stood there for a moment before running up to him, breathing heavily as Genma stopped.

 

     “G-Genma!”

 

     “I-Is something wrong?!” Genma gave him a worried look, his brows furrowing. Ebisu slowed his breathing and stared at him through his sunglasses, pouting.

 

     “Are you and Gai… involved?”

 

      “Uh… What?”

 

     “Are you and Gai in a r-relationship?”

 

     “Ebisu can’t this wait?” Genma rubbed his arm, glancing around him as several people stopped to stare. Ebisu wasn’t exactly the most subtle person, and his questioning was rather loud. He shook his head, determined to have an answer.

 

     “Are you?!”

 

     “Why does it matter! What we are is none of your business, and I wouldn’t even tell you out here, for everyone to hear!” Genma huffed, angry and annoyed now. “Ebisu how dare you! You’re my friend, you should’ve just asked me this privately!”

 

     “W-Wait, Genma I didn’t mean-”

 

     But Genma had already started walking away, folding his arms over his chest and sparing Ebisu no glances. The people that had gathered started to disperse, going on about their business as Ebisu stood still in the middle of the street.

 

     He fucked up.

 

     Big time.

 

  
**. . .**

 

 

     Genma couldn’t hear Gai’s ramblings, staring into his cup as he thought back to what had happened earlier. This was so out of character for Ebisu… He hadn’t expected him of all people to outright ask him what he and Gai were doing together. Did someone spot them last night? Besides Kakashi, of course. His fingers clenched around the cup. Kakashi could have easily told anyone else what happened, maybe as a way to get back at them for angering him?

 

     He scoffed, taking a sip of his drink and staring out of the window.

 

     “Genma? Hey buddy are you there?” He blinked as Gai’s hand was waved in front of his face, snapping him out of his thinking. Suddenly he was back at the small restaurant, the buzz and chatter of other customers gradually rising in volume.

 

     “Oh, sorry Gai. I was just thinking.”

 

     “About what?”

 

     “About Ebisu.”

 

     “Ohhh. Yeah I heard what happened today.”

 

     “Fuck,” Genma dragged a hand down his face. “Has it spread that fast already?”

 

     “Well, yeah. You of all people know how gossip works here, Genma.”

 

     “It’s just…” He trailed off, furrowing his brows. “He’s never acted like that. He’s never cared about relationship gossip. Ebisu was always the guy who turned his nose up at such talk. I-I don’t know why he’d care now.”

 

     Gai rubbed his chin, closing his eyes and humming lowly. He then snapped his fingers, giving Genma his signature smile and thumbs up.

 

     “He must have a crush on you!”

 

      “...Gai be serious.”

 

     “No, I am! Why else would he ask you instead of me? I’m always running around Konoha during the morning. He could have easily gone to me instead of you.” Gai laughed. “Look! You’re blushing!”

 

     Genma’s hand flew up to his face, feeling the skin underneath his fingers heat up. He made a noise, sinking into his seat and covering his face.

 

     “This entire thing just keeps getting more and more complicated.”

 

     “Huh?”

 

     “Nothing, nevermind.” Genma sighed and stood from his seat, Gai blinking up at him. “Listen, I’m gonna go talk to Ebisu. See what’s up, you know?”

 

     “Okay. Are we having another date tonight?”

 

      “Tomorrow! I’ll come by your place later and tell you the details.” Genma grabbed a couple of ryo from his pocket and placed it on the table. “Here’s money for my tea, sorry I couldn’t eat with you today.”

 

     “That’s fine, Genma! See you later?”

 

     “Yeah, see you later.”

 

 

     Genma made his way out onto the streets again, rubbing the back of his neck as he placed his senbon in his mouth, rolling it between his lips as he scanned the area around him. Where would Ebisu be today? He hadn’t hung out with him since they became jonin, and he barely knew what his schedule was. His best bet was swinging by Ebisu’s house and asking his mother where he would be at this time. He hoped Ebisu had told her, otherwise he’d have to search all over Konohagakure for him.

     

     While Genma walked towards Ebisu’s house, Kakashi neared the restaurant, slipping inside without anyone noticing. Gai still sat at his booth, shoveling curry and rice into his mouth as someone slid into the seat across from him, causing him to pause his actions.

 

      “Rival? What are you doing here?”


	3. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD Okay so so sorry for being late with this update! Work and stuff kept me busy. So, this chapter's longer than usual as a little 'thank you' for sticking around!
> 
> Slight Warnings: NSFW in this chapter~
> 
> Also if you guys wanna talk to me and get little previews of future chapters and any other fic I’m writing at the moment, add me on discord! newtnoot#1797

     Kakashi sighed, folding his hands on the table, knuckles turning white. Gai said nothing, sending Kakashi a worried look as the shinobi leaned forward, his visible brow furrowing.

 

     “Something happened, I need to talk to you.”

  
  
  
  


. . .

  
  
  
  


_      There was a haziness around him, a soft feeling that filled all of his senses as he tried to make sense of what was happening. He felt lips touch the shell of his ear, gentle, calloused fingers running up his back. His face was pressed into something, his spine arched and his legs spread. He moaned, face turning red as someone’s fingers eased their way into his opening, spreading him gently. When was the last time he’d been fucked?  _

_      This had to be a dream. The details weren’t all there. The pillow his face was being pushed into wasn’t concrete, it was fuzzy and fleeting, barely there but at the same time part of the environment around him. He could feel the cock pressing into his opening, he let out a noise at the realization of how big it was. Silently, Kakashi eagerly thanked his subconscious for giving him such an amazing dream. He hadn’t felt like this in such a long time, he forgot the last time he’d even had a pleasurable dream.  _

_      The person behind him chuckled lowly, pushing their cock into him. Kakashi let out a moan, a bit too high pitched and needy for him, but he honestly didn’t care at this point. It was his dream, he could be himself here. He pushed his hips and ass back against the person’s hips, wanting more of that wonderful full feeling. The person tsked, pushing his face further into the pillow bellow him, hand around his neck.  _

 

_      “Hmm, don’t worry. I’ll give you want you want.” _

 

_      He shuddered, his cock twitching in response. He didn’t pause to think on how the voice sounded extremely similar to him, instead he focused on other things. Like the fingers digging into his flesh, the cock that rammed into him. Kakashi opened his mouth to speak, but found his tongue unwilling to work with him. He babbled, the cock hitting him deep and hard, his hands gripping the sheets underneath him. The person behind him set a quick, unforgiving pace. Kakashi wanted to cry, it was way too good for a dream. _

 

_      “P...Mhm! P..Please!” Kakashi knew he was drooling, he felt the wetness in the pillow’s cover right next to his cheek and lips. He couldn’t help himself, everything was just too much. The person laughed, rather loudly, and pushed him further into the mattress.  _

 

_      “Look at you, rival. Drooling all over yourself, do you feel no shame?” _

 

_      Wait wait wait. Kakashi blinked. _

 

_      There was only one person in the entire world that called him rival.  _

_     Slowly, he turned his head fully, trying to look at exactly who was fucking him into his own mattress. He strained, barely able to catch a glimpse of them. Tan skin greeted him, as well as toned muscles. Not much to go by, if Kakashi was being honest. Hesitantly, he whimpered out, _

 

_      “G-Gai?” _

 

_      “Shh, I’m almost done.” _

 

_      Normally Kakashi would’ve freaked out. He would’ve ended the dream immediately. He would’ve kicked Gai out and screamed and yelled. But he didn’t want to. For some reason, this wasn’t a turn off. He pulled Gai out, turning his body over to fully face him. Yes, it really was Gai. His hair was rather disheveled, sweat dripped down his temple, his chest rose and fell as he breathed heavily. Kakashi blushed as he realized he felt more aroused by seeing Gai. Without a word, Gai pushed himself into him again, pinning Kakashi down and pressing his fingers into his neck. _

 

_      “Finally realized how much you really want my cock? Took you long enough, rival. But look at you!” Gai leaned forward, his face mere centimeters from Kakashi’s. “You look like a mess.” _

 

_      While yes, the body was very clearly Gai’s, his speech and behavior wasn’t.  _

 

_      Kakashi desperately wanted this to be real right now. _

 

_      Gai’s pace started to get more wild, bucking hard into him as Kakashi moaned and cried out beneath him. Kakashi’s fingers dug into Gai’s shoulders, nails leaving crescent shaped marks in his skin, nearly drawing blood as Gai’s cock hit him incredibly deep in one thrust. Fuck, he was losing it.  _

 

_      “G-Gai...I’m gonna-” _

 

_      “I know, I know, I can feel it. Shit, you’re tight as hell.” Gai groaned, dropping his head and leaning his forehead against his, letting out a low moan. “Let go, rival.” _

 

_      His stomach churned and tightened, fire erupting and turning the knot that formed within him white-hot. His cock dripped pre-cum onto his stomach, his thighs tensing as he felt himself get closer and closer to his release. But it never came. _

_      He wanted to cry in frustration, this wasn’t fair, he knew he was right about to cum, but he couldn’t. Gai kept pounding into him, lewd noises of flesh slapping against flesh rung out around them, but Kakashi still couldn’t find his release. _

 

_      Something was wrong… _

 

_      He writhed and squirmed, his hand reaching down to pump his own cock. The extra sensation only made the feeling worse. He let out a desperate whine, grabbing Gai’s face and staring into his eyes. _

 

_      “Gai I can’t...I can’t cum.” _

 

_      “Just say the words, then you will, rival. Just say how you really feel about me.” _

 

_      Kakashi paused. _

 

_      How he really felt about Gai?   _

 

_      His subconscious must really hate him. Giving him an incredibly hot dream, only to deny him his release. He didn’t want to admit his feelings. If he had any feelings really for Gai. He didn’t, he was sure of it. Gai was just an acquaintance, someone to fantasize about when he was lonely. Why was his dream doing this to him? Was it perhaps guilt over using Gai’s body in his dreams to get off? No, it couldn’t be that. He didn’t feel guilty at all, besides he had done it before with other shinobi. Why feel guilty now? _

_      He thought back to the anger he had when he saw Genma with Gai, that ugly jealousness that bubbled and burned in his throat, that gripped at his heart and suffocated him. He had never felt so strongly before, not for anyone else. Only for Gai. _

 

_ Kakashi squirmed uncomfortably, realizing what his subconscious was trying to tell him. He took in a shaky breath, locking eyes with Gai.  _

 

_      “Gai...I-I think I lov-” _

 

Kakashi woke up with a start, skin slick with sweat, chest heaving. His sharingan was active, the eye causing an excruciating pain at the back of his skull. He groaned, covering his eye. He faintly heard the songs of birds tweeting outside his apartment, magpies and sparrows warbling softly as a gentle wind passed through Konoha. Branches scratched up against his window, and a pale slit of light poured through the small crack in his dark curtains. Kakashi sighed, dropping his hand into his lap, pausing when he realized something. His hardness strained against his sweatpants, and when he moved his covers, he groaned in annoyance. 

He tried to ignore it as he walked to his shower, turning the water faucet to freezing as he just stood underneath the water. He couldn’t get the images of Gai out of his mind, the sounds, the feelings, everything about that dream stayed in his mind. His fingers dug into the tile of his shower. He knew what he almost said in his dream. He hated it. He hated that it slipped out of him so carelessly, so easily. It wasn’t like him, it wasn’t like him to show his emotion like that.

__

So why did it feel so right saying it to him? Why did it feel so good admitting how he felt? 

__

He clenched his hands into fists, nearly punching the wall as his frustration nearly got the better of him. 

__

Sighing, he turned off the water. He knew what he had to do. Even if he hated it, he had to do this.

__  
  
  
  


. . .

__  
  
  
  


“Something happened, I need to talk to you.”

__

Gai wasn’t expecting this, if he was totally honest. He had a feeling Kakashi didn’t either, considering how uncomfortable and nervous he looked. That was...certainly a first. 

__

Even in the thick of battle, even in the most desperate and more harrowing of times, Kakashi never looked nervous. His composition was strong, steadfast. He’d seen allies fall, he’d witness Kakashi holding them as their life ended. Never did he blink or shed a tear. The fact that now, he looked anxious, was making Gai rather scared. 

__

He cleared his throat, wiping his mouth and swallowing thickly. He hoped it wasn’t something too serious. 

__

“Sure. What’s up?” He watched as Kakashi sighed deeply, lowering his head a bit.

__

“You and Genma? That’s been bothering me.”

__

“Oh, uh...Why would it?” Gai asked, feigning curiosity. Kakashi rubbed his arm, a nervous tick Gai barely saw anymore since they were kids. Kakashi had become different, yes, but parts of his kid self were still there, Gai noticed. He still had that habit of sighing whenever he got bored, angry, or frustrated with something. His fingers still curled whenever he was annoyed, and the tongue click that followed it. He missed when Kakashi was more open. Not that he was an open book back then, but it was easier to tell what he was feeling than now.

__

“Listen, I think Genma’s just...using you. I think he’s got a thing for me and he’s trying to make me jealous.”

__

“Rival, don’t be silly! He loves me! And I..” Gai blushed, he hated lying. “Love him as well.” He saw Kakashi’s eye flash a look of grief for a split second, before he saw no emotion at all. Kakashi moved as if to say something, Gai could see his lips purse through the mask, and his brow furrowed. 

__

“Gai..” Kakashi sighed once more. “Look, forget it. Where did Genma go?”

__

“He’s looking for Ebisu.”

__

“Ebisu? Why?”

__

“I don’t remember. I think he went to Ebisu’s house, though. Hey,” Gai’s hand reached out and grabbed Kakashi’s wrist as he stood to leave. He frowned. “Kakashi, are you okay?”

__

“Yeah. I’m fine. See you later.” 

__

Gai watched as Kakashi left, his stomach churning. He felt awful for lying to him, but Genma assured him it was all part of the plan. Genma knew more about relationship stuff than him, so this had to work, right? 

__

He pushed his curry away, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore.

  
  
  
  


**. . .**

****  
  
  
  


Genma rapped his knuckles against Ebisu’s door, folding his arms over his chest as he heard someone inside shuffling to open it. After a few moments, the door opened, revealing a middle aged woman. She was still rather attractive for her age, a few wisps of white hair framed her face, while the rest of her hair was mahogany in color. Her leg was twisted, scars swirling around from her ankle to her knee. Genma recognized the aftermath of a Lightning jutsu. She was lucky it didn’t kill her. He had heard a Kumogakure shinobi had done that to her during the Third War, and it was the reason for her retirement. She blinked, s miling when she realized who had knocked on her door.

“Genma, my word! It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it has. Sorry, Tsutome.”

“Nonsense, don’t apologize, child! Come in, come in! I just made myself some tea. I’ll grab you a cup as well.” She pushed the door further, letting Genma walk inside behind her. 

Ebisu’s house was very traditional, a relic from the Warring States period that had somehow lasted to this day. It once belonged to Tsutome’s grandfather, a farmer who worked the fields day and night, supplying the newly formed Konohagakure with much needed food. The fields were now overgrown with brush and trees, a few modern but smaller houses dotted across, but for the most part this section of the village was quiet and less populated. Ebisu’s family wasn’t rich, he didn’t belong to a clan so his family house wasn’t near the center of the village. Were his family better off back then, they would’ve been able to afford housing or a plot of land towards the center.

He walked by a hallway littered with family pictures on the wall. Tsutome as a young girl with her parents, then her as a chunin, then as a jonin, a pregnant Tsutome lovingly holding her belly while her lover stood besides her, his face ripped out from the photo. Then came Ebisu’s photos, all with Tsutome but none with the man. In fact the only photo with a grown man in it was the photo of Tsutome and Dai with Ebisu, Gai, and Genma, on Ebisu’s eleventh birthday. 

Ebisu never really talked about his father, but Genma knew what had happened. A non-shinobi man had gone after Tsutome, seducing and convincing her to marry him after they had dated for a few months. Genma’s mother told him they were really in love, everyone was happy for them. But then Tsutome came from from a mission, her leg nearly destroyed but she walked through the gates holding herself up, unwillingly to give up. Ebisu’s father took one look at her leg and left. No one knew where he went, but many thought he couldn’t deal with a disabled wife, despite her being able to do most if not all tasks she could do before her injury.  Tsutome never talked about him again, instead focusing her time and attention on her son. 

Tsutome motioned for him to sit on the cushion in the living room, bringing out the kettle and placing it on the table in front of him. She grabbed two teacups and saucers, pouring tea for both him and herself as she slowly sat down, her bad leg stretched out to the side. 

“So, Genma, why are you here today, hm?” She raised her cup to her lips, taking a sip. “Not that I don’t mind, of course. You rarely visit our house unless Ebisu messed up. Oh no...did he mess up? I hope he hasn’t.”

“Oh! No, no he hasn’t.” He took a sip as well, humming at the sweetness of the tea. “I just wanted to know if you have any idea where he might be today?”

She paused, tapping her forefinger on her chin in thought.

“Normally, he’d be in his room. You know how he is...with his cartoons and such.” She rolled her eyes. “But today he left early. He actually said he was going to meet up with you.”

“Ah, he did but…” Genma placed his cup down, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I had to see Gai so I left him by my apartment.”

“Gai, huh? You know, Ebisu was really upset last night. He told me you and Gai were dating. Is that true?” Genma coughed, wincing a little. Mothers were the same, Genma decided as Tsutome stared at him, the same look his own mother gave him whenever she wanted to know if he was hiding something.

“Well…” He sighed. “It’s complicated. Don’t tell anyone, but we’re actually not dating.”

“Do you know how my son feels about you, Genma?”

“Uh...sure?”

She gave a gentle, loving smile, bringing the teacup from her lips, placing it onto its saucer and keeping it on her lap. Genma swallowed as her eyes pierced him, hard and cold.

  
"Genma, I love you as if you were my child. But," She gave a soft laugh. "if I find out you've been playing with my poor boy's heart, you know I can't let that slide, correct?"

“W-What?! No, no I…” He paused. “He has feelings for me? I thought...I thought he was just jealous that I got into a relationship and he didn’t. He’s always complained about others getting laid- I uh...mean getting into relationships and I just figured that was it. Damn it, I’m such an idiot.” 

“...So, why are you with Gai? I don’t quite follow you here.” Tsutome pursed her lips, furrowing her brows and sending Genma an inquisitive look. 

“Gai wants to be with Kakashi. But Kakashi’s too stubborn and prideful to admit he’s got feelings for him. So, the plan was to make him jealous. Make him go after Gai himself and ask him out for once. I didn’t think Ebisu liked me like that. Didn’t think he’d react like this. I’m so sorry, Tsutome. I never meant for any of this to get so out of hand.”

The older woman sighed and rubbed her temple. Genma felt awful, his chest tightening as Tsutome opened her mouth to speak.

“It’s fine. Just make sure you tell Ebisu as soon as possible. He should be training right now, I’d hope.” As Genma bowed and rose, Tsutome spoke up again. “And apologize to my son, please. If I hear you didn’t say sorry you’re never allowed back in this house ever again. You hear me?”

Genma gave her his trademark charming smile, Tsutome scoffing and rolling her eyes.

 

“I will, don’t worry.”

Tsutome sighed and quickly finished her tea, the sound of the front door closing ringing out throughout the house. Gradually, bird song and wind replaced the silence, filling the home with the sounds of nature. Struggling, Tsutome stood, carrying her kettle and cups back to the kitchen. She glanced outside, to the overgrown field, a soft smile pulling at her lips.

It seemed like only yesterday that the boys played in the grasses, pretending to be master shinobi and attempting to weave out handsigns as they called out jutsu names. She propped her arm onto the counter, leaning into her palm. Sometimes, she missed those simpler days. But all her boys were grown now, dealing with grown up issues and romance and the like. She sighed deeply.

“Damn it, why can’t you all be ten again. It was easier then.” 

  
  
  
  


**. . .**

****  
  
  
  
  
  


Genma barely noticed Kakashi catching up to him, his lip curling is disgust as the white haired shinobi stood in his way.

He was honestly the last person he wanted to see right now. He moved to walk to the right, but Kakashi moved as well, barring him. He really wasn’t in the mood to play this stupid game with him.

“Move.” He managed to say through gritted teeth, sending Kakashi a glare. He didn’t more, instead folding his arms over his chest.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Yeah? Well fuck off, I’m not in the mood to deal with your petty shit right now. Go to someone else.”

“Hey, hey, hey listen!” Kakashi held his arm out. “I’m being serious here.”

“What could you possibly want to say to me.”

“I don’t like how you’re treating Gai. Break up with him,  _ now _ .” 

“You don’t get a say in my love life, or his. Definitely not his after everything you put him through.” Kakashi narrowed his eye.

“I know you’re just using him, I can fucking tell. Stop playing with his heart, you’re gonna hurt his feelings.” At that, Genma let out a loud, obviously fake laugh.

“Why the fuck do you care about how Gai feels?”

“Excuse me?”

"You've never cared about him until now. Until he got sexually attractive to you. Honestly Kakashi fuck off you don't deserve him.”

Kakashi grit his teeth, balling his hands into fists. His hands shook for possibly one of the only times in his life.

“I do care about him! I know how he’d feel about you playing him-”

“How would you know anything about Gai? Especially recently? I know him better than you, you've been ignoring him for years.” Genma spat, feeling anger and fury bubble up from deep within him. “You never ever gave a shit about him, about what happened to him. You pushed everybody away, but you were so fucking cruel to him. He’s too good for you, still loving you after all you did, after mocking him endlessly for years. That’s why I hate you so fucking much, Kakashi. You’re too pathetic and disgusting of a person to realize you’re not a good person. You’ve never been one. You pretend to not care, you push everybody away, you act like you’re high and mighty, but you’re not. You can fool the pretty girls in the village with your pretty face and your attitude, but you can’t fool the rest of us. We all know you’re an awful person, you’re just lucky Gai hasn’t realized yet. And bless him for being so fucking naive he doesn’t realize you’d be the worst thing to happen to him. You know why you don’t deserve him? Because he’d be the best thing to happen in your life and I’d rather watch you suffer.” 

Genma strode past him, bumping into his shoulder as he growled. 

Kakashi stayed still, blinking several times as Genma’s words struck deep into his heart, stabbing, ripping, and tearing him deep. 

What could he possibly say?

Genma was absolutely right. He couldn’t say anything back. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t sad he was.. Embarrassed that everything Genma said was true. 

He didn’t know if he wanted to cry, scream, curse, or just...stay quiet. 

 

Instead, he just stood there.

For once in his life he faced the consequences of his behaviors and actions. For once he didn’t shy away from them or bury them deep. He let Genma’s words sink in, and he realized something.

Gai was better off with Genma than he was with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to have a new chapter up soon, again thank you guys so much for supporting this story!! It means a lot to me <3


	4. You're Gonna Carry That Weight...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi struggles once more with his depression and emotions, finding himself unable to deny everything that Genma told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for waiting! This is going to be a Kakashi focused chapter. It's probably gonna be the only sole character focused chapter I'll write for this fic, unless I decide otherwise. But I thought it'd be important to flesh Kakashi out a bit more before moving on. 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Depression, mentions of suicide, suicidal ideation(thoughts), etc. This isn't that fun of a chapter to read, but I hope you guys can enjoy it nonetheless!

     Sleep rarely came to him, but in the past two weeks, it didn’t even visit him. Kakashi laid in bed, tossing and turning, body aching and mind and heart heavy with guilt as he attempted to rest. But his thoughts ran rampant, his chest and throat closed in on themselves, and his hands could not stop shaking.

     Kakashi knew if he didn’t get any sleep soon, he’d be seriously ill. The last time he remembered even falling asleep was a few nights ago, a restless sleep that hounded him with nightmares and memories of past mistakes.

 

     The worst part about all of this?

 

     He knew he deserved it.

 

     Sighing, he turned once more on his mattress, his joints and body aching with each single movement he made. His body was screaming for some kind of rest, his head pounding at ever small subtle sound that echoed in his apartment. He figured he could go to a medical nin and get something for his sleep, he knew of several medicines that would make him sleep. He recalled when Rin had used a concoction of herbs to soothe Obito’s restless nightmares, it had a strong, bitter scent to it, and Obito nearly spat it out when she gave it to him. At this point, even a foul tasting herbal remedy was better than suffering like this. But, this was his punishment. He had to suffer. Even if several shinobi had knocked on his door and called for him, asking for him to come out. He heard that Hiruzen would be coming, but even that didn’t elicit a response from him.

     

     There was a sharp rapping at his door. Kakashi winced as his head rung.

   

      What was that phrase? Speak of the devil and he shall appear?

 

     Taking his time, Kakashi slowly and sluggishly rose from bed, not bothering to change his clothes or brush his hair. He just didn’t have it in him to care anymore. His hand brushed against the door handle, using very little effort to push it down and to pull the door back to him, opening it slightly as he peered through. He narrowed his eye at the harsh light outside, barely stopping the tears that pricked at the corners of his eye.

     

     “Well, you look absolutely awful.” Hiruzen said, placing his pipe back into his mouth and taking a long, deep drag from it. Kakashi shifted from foot to foot, realizing a little too late that he hadn’t showered recently, though his embarrassment was quickly replaced with anger as Hiruzen began to talk again. “Kakashi you really can’t be doing something this childish. I don’t know what happened but rumors spread fast here. And from what I’ve heard, you ought to grow up a bit. I can’t have one of my best ninja lying about doing nothing.”

 

     “Lord Third-”

 

     “Kakashi, get help. Mental or physical I don’t care. Do you need someone to talk to?” He exhaled, a puff of smoke billowing from his wrinkled mouth. His eyes weren’t betraying any emotion, if he felt any. Hiruzen was always like this, even to his own family, Kakashi had heard. Swallowing thickly and standing up straight, Kakashi cleared his throat.

 

     “No, I don’t.”

 

     “Stop lying, boy. At least visit a doctor, and that’s a order, you hear? Don’t want you killing yourself by accident over some trivial thing.”

 

     Kakashi knew Hiruzen wanted to say “killing yourself on purpose”.

 

     Since Sakumo’s death, everyone had treated Kakashi differently. Some walked on eggshells around him, acting as if he would snap and hang himself, gut himself, or throw himself off of a high building in the blink of an eye. Several medical nin had come to him, wearing those false smiles, where their eyes didn’t shine and instead were calculating and distant. They sat him down with falsetto voices, sweetly telling him things he already knew. He remembered the one woman, who put her hand on his tiny shoulder, who gripped him too hard in an attempt to be friendly. She told him it was okay to be sad, that if he ever felt like his father felt, to come to them. He told them to fuck off, to never touch him ever again. And they didn’t.

     He knew that everybody, deep down, probably expected him to end his life sooner or later. He always wondered if the Hatake family was cursed in a way. But it never made sense to dwell on such things. The Hatake clan was all but gone, and whatever secrets they had died with Sakumo. Any history of suicide or curses was gone, entirely gone.

 

     Kakashi sighed, rubbing a hand down his face.

 

     “Alright, fine. If it’ll get you to stop bothering me.”

 

     “Hmph! No manners at all, tsk.” He retrieved a tightly rolled up paper scroll from his robes, the Third Hokage’s seal marked on the edge of the paper. Hiruzen handed it to him, giving him a strange look, one Kakashi could not identify. “I’ve given you the name of a medical nin I trust. He’s more than capable with healing of the body and mind. Keep this...quiet, alright? No need to make a big show out of it. I’d rather you get this taken care of quickly, if possible. I’ll talk to him tomorrow, to see if you’ve met with him. If you haven’t, well…” Hiruzen trailed off, putting his pipe back into his mouth and taking a long, deep drag. “Let’s just say neither of us want it to come to that, understand?”

 

     “Yes, Lord Third.” Kakashi sighed, closing the door as Hiruzen turned to leave. The paper felt heavy in his hand, despite it weighing like a feather. Hesitantly, he unrolled it, scanning over the hiragana quickly and memorizing the name and where he worked. A small, nondescript clinic just at the edge of Konohagakure’s border. He silently thanked that old man Sarutobi took into consideration how personal this issue was, and how he’d rather not go to the middle of the village for a clinic.

 

     Kakashi walked back to his bed, collapsing onto it as the mattress creaked. Looks like he had to do this, then.

 

  
**. . .**

 

  
     It was nearing sundown, when Kakashi silently slipped out of his apartment, climbing onto the roofs and making his way to the outskirts of the village. His feet made no sound as he jumped from building to building, wind whipping at his hair and clothes as he moved at a lighting fast pace. It took merely a few minutes to find the clinic, as it was but a lone building near a rather large herbal garden, surrounded by trees from a nearby orchard. Slowing down, he landed onto the dirt road that wound through the trees and fields, leading to a secondary Konoha gate. Taking his time, as always, Kakashi neared the aged wooden door on the weathered stone house, rapping his knuckles against it as he waited for the medical nin to present himself.

 

     “One moment!” He placed his hands into his pockets, sighing. Without warning the door swung open, revealing a rather average looking man. He was in his mid twenties, if not early thirties. Brown, shaggy hair reached his brows, and his jaw and cheeks were covered in short, darker colored stubble. His eyes were a lighter shade of black, reflecting the light of the yellow lamps from within his own home. He smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

 

     “Yo.” Was all that Kakashi said, lifting his hand in greeting.

 

     “Kakashi? Oh, wow it’s been some years, huh!” Kakashi blinked his eye. He furrowed his brows, looking over the man more closely. Come to think of it, he was rather familiar. But he never heard of his name. Was he someone he knew back in the day?

 

     “Do I know you?”

 

     “Yeah! I used to be in the Anbu, remember?” He pulled up the sleeve on his shirt, exposing the tattoo on his arm. “I can’t believe you forgot me! I mean, man we did some crazy shit! Oh, sorry! Come in, come in!” Kakashi still couldn’t remember the man but nodded anyways, following him inside.

 

     The main room was mostly cramped, shelves lined the walls with tons of medicines in them. Salves, elixirs, poultices, creams, dried herbs, pickled fruit and vegetables, and an assortment of boxes labeled with different codes and numbers. The air was heavy and musty, with some bitter scent wafting throughout the room. The center held a simple examination table, with a small pillow on the end of it.

     The man’s name was Sotaro, a skilled medical nin who offered his services at a cheaper price than some would suspect. Hiruzen had recommended him after he worked with a Sarutobi boy who had undergone something traumatic. Hiruzen didn’t say much on the matter, but the way he talked about him was as if he was grateful for what Sotaro did. Kakashi had no idea this man was in Anbu, but perhaps that was another reason why Hiruzen suggested him.

 

     Sotaro motioned for Kakashi to sit, washing his hands in the nearby sink as he did so. Kakashi shifted awkwardly.

 

     “So, you were in Anbu?”

 

     “Kakashi, you’re joking right?” Sotaro dried his hands on a towel, blinking when Kakashi didn’t respond. “Holy shit you really don’t remember. Well I don’t blame you, honestly. Where to begin…” He pulled out a stool and sat upon in, smiling. “You don’t remember that night? With Tenzo? We found that hidden cache of sake and alcohol? And you pressured Tenzo to drink? I remember it so clearly! Poor kid was fourteen and was so in love with you he did everything you asked him to do. Man, we were assholes to him.”

 

     “Can you get on with the story?”

 

     “Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry. Anyway, Tenzo starts chugging this huge bottle, kid gets hammered instantly. You’re laughing and I’m rolling on the floor crying. Then you grab a bottle and I grab one too. Man, we drinked so much, we nearly passed out. That’s when we kissed, remember? You weren’t a bad fuck, I’ll tell you that!” He laughed, as if the memory was a pleasant one. Kakashi felt his ears burn with embarrassment.

 

     “Fucking hell…”

 

     “I think a year after or so Ieft the Anbu. Are you still in it? I haven’t been up to date with most going ons in the village.” Sotaro smiled. Kakashi wanted to kick his teeth in.

 

     “I left, recently.”

 

     “Aw, that sucks! You really loved it.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Well, Lord Third wanted me to help you out. What’s going on?”

 

     Kakashi hesitated in answering him. 

     It wasn’t too long ago that he had spent most of his youth sleeping with anyone who would take him, drinking himself stupid and spreading his legs for every man he flirted with. It was… a dark time, to put it lightly. A major reason why Hiruzen had asked him to back out of the Anbu. Several jonin had spotted him, drunk and out of his mind, trying to kiss a civilian who punched him in the face, knocking him down and lifting his foot to stomp on him. If it wasn’t for Gai and Asuma, he would’ve been seriously hurt that night. Gai had been so worried, bringing him back to his apartment. He vaguely remembered asking Gai to fuck him as a joke, laughing and then vomiting when Gai agreed. Gai then left in a hurry, out of shame or embarrassment, or both, Kakashi didn’t know.

     He regretted it all, of course. Giving up that lifestyle when he woke up the next morning to dried vomit and his clothes soiled with dirt and some strong drink he couldn’t identify.

     Meeting Sotaro again, it just brought those memories back. Whichever ones he could remember, that is. Even if he seemed like a genuinely nice man, who wanted to help, he didn’t want to expose his true feelings to him. He felt as if he’d make that same sad cooing noise, give him a light hug and go “it’s okay, it’s not your fault, you’re a good person”.

 

     Which was completely bullshit.

 

     What could he even say?

 

     I have trouble making lasting connections with people because my father killed himself in front of me when I was only a child? I killed my friend, the girl I promised to keep safe to my dead friend who died to save me? I treated others like shit because I felt bad about myself?

 

     He had to stop blaming his emotions for his actions.

 

     After all, being depressed didn’t excuse him from practically abusing Tenzo or treating Gai like shit.

 

     Maybe, in time, he’d own up to it if he could. If he saw Gai again, he’d apologize for his behavior but he knew that wasn’t enough. How could he begin to seek forgiveness and redemption if he didn’t feel like he deserved it? If others, like Genma, didn’t think he didn’t think he deserved any of it?

     At this point, he felt it was better to simply give up, let himself die and then all of this would be done and forgotten. But, he knew, it wasn’t right to think like that. He cursed his father, he cursed his brain, cursed himself for being absolute garbage. He had to find a way to make himself feel better. Not for his sake, but maybe, for the sake of others. For Gai, who deserved a better, more loving partner than him. One who wouldn’t tear at him and mock him.

 

     But, then again, there was that issue.

 

     What did he truly think of Gai?

 

     Putting his sexual attraction to him aside, what did he mean to him?

     He’d been there since nearly the beginning. Both of them had grown together, trained together, fought together. They challenged one another, always showing off new techniques or moves they learned, to better the other and their own self. Without Gai, Kakashi never would have trained his body. Never would have gone as far as he did. Gai pushed him to better himself, never faltered to cheer him on, to be by his side..

     Kakashi had been so blind to realize that Gai was so utterly in love with him, from the beginning and he shrugged him off.

     

     This man who stuck with him through Sakumo’s death, who remained cheerful and happy despite his own father dying as well, defending him and his honor whenever someone mocked his family name, despite him not having a legacy of his own.

 

     Did he love him though?

 

     Perhaps...a little, if he was honest. He couldn’t see his life without him, his constant happy mood always annoying him, but at the same time always bringing out a smile from him.

 

     He’d have to really think it over, however. Kakashi didn’t know if he was ready to open his heart to someone else. Even if that person loved him entirely back, perhaps even more so, he was...scared.

     

     Scared that something would happen to Gai. That he’d die. Everyone he loved always died, he didn’t want to risk Gai’s life. The thought of his dying, of leaving him alone? That might just make him snap if he ever grew to fully love him. But, then again, it was good to take risks every now and again. Gai did it every time he left for missions, so why shouldn’t he? If Gai would take him, accept him with all his flaws, he wouldn’t mind taking that risk.

     

     However, he was getting ahead of himself, wasn’t he?

 

     It was a nice fantasy, having someone to love and who loved you back. He had to wait, had to think it over before committing to it.

 

     “Uh, Kakashi? Hey?”

 

     He blinked his eye, Sotaro waving his hand in front of him.

 

     “I kinda lost you there for a moment, you okay?”

 

     “Y-Yeah. Listen,” He cleared his throat. “Can I just have something for sleeping? And nightmares? That’s all I need.”

 

“Oh, sure!” Sotaro rose from his seat, combing over his herbal stores. Deft hands plucked out a small, cloth bag, tied with a green ribbon and with the kanji for tea scrawled onto a tag with ink hung from the ribbon. Underneath that, Nightea. Sotaro smiled, handing Kakashi the bag. He sniffed it, furrowing his brows.

 

     “This smells like bath soap.” Sotaro laughed at that, clasping Kakashi’s shoulder.

 

     “It’s not, trust me.” Kakashi shrugged his hand off, Sotaro continuing to speak, “It’s Nightea. It’s got mulungu and passion flower in it. Real strong stuff, actually. Should knock you out I’d say...about twenty minutes or so after taking it. Actually depends on the person, but-”

 

“Okay, thanks. How much for it?”

 

     “Oh, um.” He looked upset at being cut off. “It’s on the house for tonight. If you get any worse, just swing on by, okay?”

 

     “Yeah, sure.” Kakashi hopped from the table, stuffing the cloth bag into his pocket. Sotaro followed him as he left, smiling widely and holding out his hand.

 

     “Goodn-”

 

     Kakashi shut the door behind him.

 

  
**. . .**

 

  
     Sotaro was right about the tea, it was some strong stuff.

 

     Sipping at it while he read Icha Icha, Kakashi sighed contently as he felt his muscles and joints relax, the herbal tea washing over his entire body. The warmth made him feel better, and he was already feeling the effects of the herbs as his eye started to lose focus on the words in front of him. He yawned, scratching at his chin and settling further into his pillow.

     Tomorrow, he decided, he’d talk to Gai. If Gai had to leave to meet Genma, he’d stop him. He had to speak to him, he had to. This wasn’t going to be some confession, but he needed to figure out what he felt for Gai. And talking to him might be the best course of action. He just hoped Genma or anybody else wasn’t there with Gai. Genma was the last person he wanted to see, and he didn’t know if he’d keep calm or collected around him.

 

     Stretching, he folded the corner of the page, closing his book and placing it on the nightstand and he drank the last of his tea. He pulled his covers over him, resting his head on his pillow, his arm reaching underneath his head and laying both head and pillow on his arm.

 

     As he drifted off to perhaps the best sleep he’s had in years, he could only think of one thing. His eye closed, and his body no longer ached and screamed in pain or exhaustion.

     

     Gai did mean something to him, and he was determined to find out what that meant.

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember to leave comments and kudos! Feedback is incredibly important to me, and it shows that people are still very much interested in this fic! I've never written a multi-chapter fic before, so bear with me while I try to update weekly! You can follow my twitter @newt__noot for updates, or even my blog @taiga-saejima on tumblr!


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